I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
