afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
