If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
