dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
