I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
