so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
