I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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