Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
