Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
