You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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