I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
