i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Randomize
