So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
