He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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