the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
