textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
