If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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