happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
