I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
