Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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