My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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