Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
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told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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