Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
