I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
