ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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