i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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