I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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