I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is Oprah even human
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
