I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
