Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
