You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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