im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
