I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize