He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
