found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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