i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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