i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
