She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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