Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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