I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
