Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
