Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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