I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
