I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
