I seem to have left my pride at pride
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
