My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia