Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea