i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
