His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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