Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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