I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I touched a dick in church today
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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