Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
