I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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