i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
