No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
