It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
