remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
