He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
