babies were throwing up all over the place
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
