drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
