jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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