I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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