They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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