Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
