Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
