made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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