More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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