Screwed.edu
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
