I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
