Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
