I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You are the jesus of drinking
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
