I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
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you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
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I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.