Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
