Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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