What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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