i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
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He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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