its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
