it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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