i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
