You really coming over, don't trick.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
