it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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