I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
