My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
