does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
